Okay, I’ll admit it. I talk a lot about abundance and creativity. And the more I understand it, the more I realize how fearful I’ve been of money in my past. However, I let that fear become my teacher.
Let me be clear. I was raised in a privileged upper middle class upbringing. We had all the trappings of a prosperous 1980s suburban life including multiple bedrooms, bathrooms, and a swimming pool that we could only utilize about 3 months of the year. It was Northern Michigan, after all. My father worked hard; he worked very hard. I mistook that to mean if I didn’t work full throttle every day I might end up poor. In the decadent 80s that was simply unacceptable. I wore my designer jeans and cashmere sweaters to school every day. The label meant everything. Despite these advantages, we rarely spoke of money in our household.
When we did talk about it I was told that being an artist meant I’d have to give up the pleasures of designer jeans and swimming pools. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be a working artist. That became my intention. Through lots of muscle and scads of effort I did just that, yet nearly thirty years later I still had some money blocks. I vacillated from guilt about “taking” money from clients to feeling like I was owed more for the art I created. It felt heavy and difficult.
What if money isn’t all gumption and grit? What if it is actually the opposite of that? What if It is alignment with lightness and play and ease?
Creativity is a spiritual practice. Abundance is a spiritual practice. So is money. Money is merely energy exchange. What you are offering the world has value. And you rightly deserve to be compensated for your time, your talent, and your offerings. It is really that simple.
So, how do you move past your fear? Awareness is the first step. Talking about it is the second. You don’t need to “fix” everything right now. It is a process, so grace is helpful. The biggest step might be reminding yourself that your self worth is not determined by the size of your bank account. Oh, and that it is okay to still like designer jeans and swimming pools. And yes, you can have them in adulthood AND be a creative, spiritual, working artist.